The sunset of the last day of the year and the sunrise of the first day of the new year signify the end of another chapter of life and an excuse to renew everything we have or want to have. It’s like starting from Sunday, but at least it gives us a chance to think about refreshing the worn-out things in life and appreciate them.
As I write this post, I think about the past years. I think about the non-thirties who were almost climbing one of the surrounding mountains every week and looking for an opportunity to be in nature. He loved the mountains and wanted facilities for longer trips and to discover new things.
Now that these facilities are more or less available, I am unfortunately caught up in the routine of daily life and employment. The few remaining hours of the day are spent on relieving tiredness, cleaning, and driving (not walking). Five years ago, everything I have now was a wish for me, and today, the very things I own are the shackles and chains and the cause of my regret for not being able to return to the past [freedom of action]. Even writing this post causes the clamor of the worn-out part of me that has written 120 posts in a year.
It has been a long time since I have deviated from the semi-goals I had, and even if I don’t mention the destructive feeling of FOMO, I still have the feeling of being a soldier who all his peers have been discharged and I am left with months of extra service in an environment where I have the smallest sense of belonging.
Something that is clearly evident is my need for change. Something that is not clear is the power and ability I have to destroy anything I have created so far, and something that is not clear at all is whether it is really worth it or not. Recently, one of my closest friends, who shares a similar mindset to mine, asked me if it is really necessary to destroy everything we create. Is this a form of masochism and an inability to handle peace?
Perhaps it is, perhaps it is not.
However, I still want to be a hunter-gatherer. I still need the ability to stare into human eyes. I still cannot enjoy the habit of looking down. I need a change, and this change starts with a promise. I promise to watch the sky more.